Wednesday, April 14, 2010

real housewives with real lives

Once upon a time, women took pride in getting married and being the caretakers of their home and family. Women learned how to cook everything from scratch and did not rely on Hamburger Helper to feed their brood. Any twenty-something woman in 1950 would know how to iron, do dishes, laundry, vacuum, all while taking care of her personal appearance and hygiene. Now, fast-forward to this twenty-something generation of women, which I am a card-carrying member, and we have to learn all this on YouTube.

I am not poo-pooing the twenty-something women that don't learn to do their own laundry till college or couldn't properly clean their own bathroom if their life depended on it; after all, it isn't their fault. In fact, the older generations gripe about our "out of control" Gen-Y when they themselves have made little effort to pass on their skills or wisdom about running a home.

As exciting as it is that women now have the potential to attain jobs that pay as much men, and often do, it isn't exciting that we look more and more like them, and we often emasculate them in the process. Yet, looking feminine, knowing how to sew a dress for yourself, and cooking a gourmet meal is as valuable in America as speaking Pig-Latin, unless you turn simple hobbies and pleasantries into all consuming career aspirations and dreams. For example, if you learned to sew when you are thirteen, and showed promise, in today's world you would feel a mound of pressure to then continue on to design school and be a top stylist or famous designer. Not that this is a bad thing, but something is wrong if a paradigm creates a culture in which people are obsessed with selfish-ambition and fame. It's bad when young women who admit at an early age they desire to be married and have children are looked down upon, even though it's part of our nature to desire companionship and to nurture children.

Maybe I am not being fair... maybe it isn't like this all over the country. But in Northern Virginia you should just see the looks I get when I tell someone my age, and that I am Housewife.

The reason I am starting this blog is to create a discussion about the controversy of being a Housewife and also to explore the ins and outs of this role, from hosting a dinner party to removing stains from your All-Clad! Hollywood and the media portray Housewives as "Desperate" (i.e. promiscuous, rich, petty, greedy, crazy, neurotic, alcoholics, work-aholics, plastic, gossipy, arrogant, lazy, gold-diggers, etc.). This is NOT reality. It's entertaining to see those rich women in L.A. and Atlanta wearing clothes way too tight, running around in their mansions and expensive cars, but let's be honest... that's not how life is for most of us! Being a Housewife is not a status thing! It is one of the most humble lifestyles with the greatest rewards a woman could dream. And it's a life completely misunderstood, sometimes even feared, and often belittled. I hope you will enjoy reading, learning while I learn, and going along with me while I uncover many aspects of being a Housewife with a life!


  1. I am not a housewife but I am married to a wonderful one, whose job is much harder than mine. Good luck with the blog, and I am your first comment!

  2. i love you to death and support everything to do but you're a smart gal with a college degree! you don't even want to have a career or anything since you paid for all that school? you always wanted to be involved in music, and i know as life change so does your desires and i know i can't relate to this housewife desire yet...but i don't know. i dont think i could let something i've spent my whole life waiting and studying for. thoughts?

  3. So fun! I love being a housewife and "keeping" the household for my family...even working outside the home, I still consider "homemaking" a huge part of my life, ministry, having our marriage/family central! You go, Ali!!

  4. Ali I completely agree with the notion that people have lost their appreciation for "keeping" a home. I think that we have been passed over for learning certain skills that our mothers/grandmothers have such as cooking, cleaning, sewing(i'm lucky that my fiance knows how to sew). But I guess I will give you a visual on the flip side from the Texas point of view. In my town growing up almost no wife worked. If you did it was a sign that you didn't have enough money. Most wives did have lives that included lunching, volunteering, and working out. But lunching turned into gossiping about who was having trouble in there marriage or who was sleeping with who, al ot of time their volunteering at school was just to get the scoop on the kids. I know because I was the victim of it when mothers were spreading rumors about me and my boyfriend...But above all that my mother has worked my entire life. She is a pilot and since I was a kid when I told people that they would give me a sad face and say ...then who takes care of you. An organization that my mother and I joined to do charity work literally reprimanded my mom for not being able to come to some of the meetings because she had a job. What they don't know is that my mother made us dinner every night that she was home. If she wasn't she called to make sure we were ok. She made me barrettes and sewed my dresses. She made sure I did all my laundry and mowed to grass. And she was always there for my dad. They have been married for 26 year today. To this day she gets talked about because she can't be there at lady's lunch or tennis games....I'm not saying this because I want to change any perspective because I myself wanted to start a blog about the modern femininity ( how to be a power woman by day and a house wife by night) but I am saying that in parts of this country women are looked down on because they do have a job. I think the thing is to become a person and satisfied an comfortable/secure with who you are. I think gossip happens because people are insecure about their looks, marriage, job what ever. I think that we have come far enough where I could take a business lunch with you and we could talk and be happy for each other. I think that is one good thing we learn from Sex in the City. These women one stays at home, one is a work-aholic, one is single and one will do anything for love. Any way this topic has been weighing on my heart. you need to check out the blog, its quite fascinating for men.

    Hope all is well with you, miss you and congrats on your marriage and housewifedom...

  5. I admire you and support your decision to dedicate your time and efforts to maintaining your household. You have a plethora of knowledge and talents and I don't think you waste a lick of them. Thank you for crediting the choice to be a housewife with the dignity it deserves.
    Love you and love your blog!